This is Lizzie Ford's inspirational story that is featured in the Indie Chicks Anthology.
The
Phoenix and the Darkness
I've
been running from The Darkness since I left home at the age of 17. I escaped a broken family to the military,
found it unwelcoming to creative non-conformists but fulfilled my
commitment. The first man I dated was a
drunkard who suffered from post traumatic stress disorder; the second raped
me. The rest of my time in the military
was a blur of men, the different places I lived and The Darkness stalking me. At the end of my tour, I set my world on fire
to keep the Darkness away, abandoned everything and everyone, and emerged from
the flames like the mythical Phoenix. I ran
home to Ohio. I didn’t stay long and
continued onward to New York, where I reinvented myself for a very brief period
of contentedness.
It
didn’t last. Darkness, fire, rebirth, and
a few years, men and states later, I ended up in the arms of yet another unworthy
man. I followed him to DC, bore the
mental abuse, and tried to tell myself this was the best life would ever
get.
I
took a job in a field I didn't care for and ended up running from
job-to-job-to-job, unable to find a place where I was happy. I was hit by a drunk driver at 26, leaving me
with a long lifetime of constant pain. I
had a miscarriage, gave all my money to the unworthy man and couldn't pay my
bills despite the good job. I moved from
Virginia to Maryland and back to Virginia, unable to shake the pursuing
Darkness. Finally, I put all my
belongings in storage, ready to set my word afire and flee once again.
I
worked up the nerve to ditch the dysfunctional man, but before I could run far,
I met the man who would become my first husband. He wanted normal things: stability, house, family. I convinced myself if I had these things, the
Darkness would be gone. He needed a
mother, not a wife, but I married him anyway and prayed it was enough.
It
wasn't. I set my world afire once more,
and I fled him, too. I put everything I
valued in my truck, grabbed the dog, and left.
Away from DC, the east coast, everything I owned, my first husband. I ran to Texas to a new job and divorced the
first husband. Yet again, I was
reborn. Soon after, I met my soul
mate. Some part of me knew I couldn’t
keep running if I wanted to keep him. I turned
around to see if The Darkness still chased me. After fifteen years of running, The Darkness
was closer than ever.
I
told the man who would become my second husband to stay away from me – I was
dangerous. He saw The Darkness, and he
saw me.
You’re brilliant and
beautiful. I love you, Darkness and all,
he
said. But if you don’t deal with it and accept the fate for which you were
put on this earth, you’ll be consumed by it.
I
couldn’t yet face the Darkness even with his support, but I could see how wrong
my path was. My path wasn't a career I
loathed, and it wasn't ignoring my true gift: writing. So I worked full time and wrote full
time. I found true joy for the first
time in my life, but The Darkness got too close. I ran away from that job - the only job I'd
ever remotely enjoyed. This time, I kept
my only ally in life - my guardian angel and partner.
I
took a new job in a new state. With my
husband and my writing, I saw The Darkness recede, and I grew happy. Instead of looking over my shoulder, I
started looking into the future. I vowed
to run towards something instead of away from something. I wasn’t just reborn – I was alive for the first time in my life.
And
then, this past summer, I tripped. The
Darkness swallowed me. As in one of my
upcoming novels, The Darkness turned me inside out. I couldn't go to work and could barely leave
the house. It pinned me beneath it, and
the more I tried to run, the heavier it got.
Everything I'd run from in life was there: my near-poverty upbringing;
the breaking apart of my family when I was a kid; my struggle with my weight
and social anxiety issues; with finding acceptance at any job; with men and
dysfunctional relationships; the pending financial disaster I'd been building;
fear of failure and ending up as miserable as my parents. I thought I'd suffocate, until the Darkness
spoke to me.
You can run again and risk
losing the man you love, or you can face me and be happy, it said.
I want to be happy, I replied.
Then do what you must.
It's not that easy. I'm scared.
Sometimes life only gives
us difficult choices, but you still must choose. I am a part of you. You must accept me and
deal with me before you can move on, it said.
I
thought hard as I looked at all the things I'd accumulated that were
bankrupting me financially and emotionally.
I looked at what made me happy in life: my husband and my writing. I saw how I'd hurt my most precious treasures
- and myself - by setting my world on fire whenever The Darkness got too close.
This is gonna hurt, I told The Darkness.
Not for long, it said. You
only have to do this once.
In
that moment, I made my choice. I would
face The Darkness within me, no matter how hard it was. I loved my husband too much to hurt him more,
and I was sick of being a coward. I took
a leave of absence in early September to deal with my past as well as the depression
and anxiety that have haunted me my whole life.
Writing has always been my solace and my passion. Through it, I'll heal the
world I broke and my own soul, and become the partner my husband deserves.
The
Phoenix will be reborn once more, not of fire, but of Darkness, and will emerge
stronger than ever.
This is one story from Indie Chicks: 25 Women 25
Personal Stories available on Amazon
and Barnes
& Noble. To read all of the stories, buy your copy today.
Also included are sneak peeks into 25 novels!
All proceeds go to the Susan G. Komen Foundation for Breast
Cancer.
Description of the "War of Gods" series
The
"War of Gods" series by Lizzy Ford is a paranormal romance series
depicting the ongoing struggle between good and evil - and the immortals
and their human mates who are caught in the middle. The first book,
"Damian's Oracle" (released October 2011) is the story of the White God
and his Oracle, the cool beauty, Sofia. The second book, "Damian's
Assassin," (released November 2011) is about the White God's assassin
and the woman who heals his heart and body. The third book will be
released 02 Dec and tells the tale of the White God's chief immortal and
the mysterious, beautiful Magician he risks his life to protect.
Lizzy's info:
Website: http://www.guerrillawordfare.com/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/b/106728579413949863215/pages/getstarted#106728579413949863215/posts
iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/book/damians-oracle/id416014301?mt=11
Another inspiring story from the Indie Chicks Anthology. I am so honored to be a part of this book.
ReplyDeleteA truly inspiring story, Lizzy! I'm so proud to be part of this anthology. :)
ReplyDeleteLizzy Ford is a brave woman. Thank you, Mel, for sharing her amazing story.
ReplyDeleteGreat post - So glad Lizzy opened up about her life and struggles. It's an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteLizzy, you are an amazing woman. Here is to all the happiness your heart and hands can hold. 2012, the year of the indie chicks! ;-)
ReplyDeleteAnother great story from the Indie Chicks. What a wonderful group!
ReplyDeleteGreat post. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThis story is so moving. Every one of these stories has been so heartfelt and inspirational.
ReplyDelete